Transcript of: The Coward's Tale

Panel 1

Young man: God, I can't stop thinking about Janice. Why don't I just ask her out? Why Don't I say something? She's kind of a friend though – what if she's not interested in a deeper relationship and I just end up torpedoing our existing friendship? Not that I even see her that often, but still. How likely is that though? I'm sure she'd be interested, so why not just go for it? Why not? Clearly I'm interested, I've been thinking about her nonstop for like two weeks, so that must mean something, right? Argh... what if she says no, though?

Book title: Not an Autobiography

Book title: Well, maybe a/

Panel 2

Middle age man: Or what if she just gives me a weird look and doesn't say anything?! What if a bus drives past just as I'm asking and she doesn't hear me but she kind of does and it's all awkward and stuff? No, I don't think I can do it. It would just be too embarrassing. I mean, if she was interested then she'd say something to me, right? And she hasn't, so she must not be! Unless she's assuming the same thing about me... No, that's ridiculous – She'd speak up if there was even a chance she was interested. I shouldn't even have to do anything.

Panel 3

Older man: The situation should just resolve itself naturally if there's any mutual attraction. It'd be plain to see, and we'd just kind of...end up together, right? Or maybe I should do something. Oh, I don't know! There's so much to lose, but maybe I should just go for it! Maybe I should just sit her down and tell her how I feel and to hell with the consequences, right? You only live once, right?? Oh, but what if it ruins everything?! What if I'm so deluded and out of touch that I'm just assuming she might be interested because she just happens to act friendly towards me? Girls aren't like us – they'll flirt with you even if they're not seriously interested! She's not interested in me at all! I'm deranged! She probably just thinks of me as a friend, a pal, a nice guy.

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Poster: Jumbo Ranger brand/ Bathroom Tissue

Box: Cap'n Crunch

Panel 4

Old man: She doesn't want to date a nice guy, she's waiting for, y'now, a manly kind of guy to pair up with. That's what girls want. Why am I even considering asking her out?! It's crazy, forget it. I do it and she'll totally reject me and I'll regret it for the rest of my life! It'll be so humiliating I'll never live it down. I'll have to leave town to avoid running into her. But then I might be wrong! It is possible. Maybe she actually is interested and she's just not comfortable making the first move because of established societal norms or whatever. Maybe I should just go for it. I mean, who knows, right? Maybe I should just take a deep breath and tell her what I'm thinking so I can stop obsessing about this. Yeah, you know what – I think I'm gonna go for it! I'm gonna do this! I think I owe it to myself. Right?

Panel 5

Gravestone 1: RIP Hey Janice, I've been thinking about you a lot. I really like you and I honestly think you're an extremely cool person and I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me?

Gravestone 2: RIP Maria, I'm sorry we had such a terrible fight. I really just want to be friends again. What do you say?

Gravestone 3: RIP Y'know what/ I'm quitting/ damn job/ hated it/ day one!/ Gonna go/ to school/ can be a/


Image title: askforjanice.jpg