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Transcript of: Newsstand Follies



Panel 1

Magazine: The Don Deluise Magazine/ 73 more ways to be like Dom/ $12.99 US $18.50 CDN despite exch. rate/ Dom's Toilet routine "I'm a triple-flusher"/ See how Dom spends your money $->Food->Shit/ HUNGRY ALL THE TIME? Perfect

Magazine: Non-Entity (god bless america) For Women who don't/ Aug. 24/2008 only $1.99/ Self Esteem why it's a myth/ Why you don't need friends with careers/ Are you too fat or WAY too fat? Take the quiz inside!/ THE VOTE: Do we really need it?/ Apron: Dinner's Ready/ We rate the BEST SUVs to drive to te supermarket at two in the afternoon when you have the shakes and need more "cooking" sherry right fucking now. PLUS: How to get your kids to buy crack for you.

Magazine: EQ Idiot's Quarterly/ Aug'08 Price: 1/2 a grip/ John Rucker idiot of the month/ Why not transfer your money directly into KEVIN TRUDEAU's bank account?/ Feature: Pictures of the trees that were cut down to make this!/ T-shirt: Speek Inglish {Make your own BOTTLED WATER in 2 easy steps and then go buy some anyway}

Magazine: EQ en Español Idiota Trimestral/ Augusto 2008 coste: su dignidad/ Es muy BONO!/ Y es muy estupido/ También: sted pódría ganar una casin de entrenar real Madrid!!/ T-shirt: I don't pay taxes, but you should

Magazine: Aug-17-24 '08/ Onion Week/ rapidly running out of ideas since 2007/ $7.75/ Comparing the various types of onions part 76/ Once again we discuss how to avoid crying when slicing onions/ PLUS yet more recipes

Magazine: Aug. 24Th, 2008 / 75¢/ Coverage inside!/ Now 48 pages/ The Pavarotti-Themed News/ Pavarotti unhurt in Algerian suicide bombing; is already dead/ Algiers/ Pavarotti-sized asteroid unlikely to strike earth/ Pavarotti unaffected by latest round of GM layoffs/ In ARTS: Pavarotti would have loved "Death Race"/ Olympics section – page 12/ Pavarotti fails to qualify for women's 100m final/ Medal Standings/ ...

Magazine: Stereotypical American Father/ A magazine for stereotypical american fathers/ Aug. 08/ $3.50 US/ Giving porn to your son: is grade 3 too early? Our panel weighs in/ We list golf courses where it's safe to be openly racist/ How to spot an undercover fed at your NAMBLA meeting/ Getting in the closet – and staying there! A tale of inspiration/ Plus: Stephen Harper, SAF of the year/

Magazine: www.internetmagazine.com/ internet The Magazine/ price: 99¢ $19.95 $2.50/ INSIDE: Pictures of my cat – pg.3/ Inaccurate song lyrics – pg.5/ Hardcore nudity – where you least expect it./ More pictures of my cat – pg. 7/ Photos of animal attacks and badly-translated chinese signs that upon closer scrutiny turn out to be photoshopped and now whoops you've just wasted three hours you idiot – pg.12/ Letters column-pgs.15-107/ n't she/ g cute?!!1

Magazine: MANBOY (are you a man-boy??)/ Aug. 08/ Creepy awkward LOSERS and the shallow, insecure girls who like to pose for them/ Just kidding- we're being slyly IRONIC ... or are we?/ Maybe we're just FAKING it as an excuse to get paid for acting like borderline-retarded 13-year olds.../ PLUS: Drink beer and your life will be exactly like a beer ad! ... or will it?/ Bra: This is what I want... or is it?

Magazine: R[ollling stone]/ The Jona/ Brot/ Rock Band vs. Guitar Hero/ Mark Knopfler!/ I wish I was joking

Panel 2

Customer: Okay, I really need something to read on my flight. Do you have any magazines that aren't absolutely insane..?

Newsstand Cashier: You want book shop. Magazines is for the cяazy people.

Magazine: Time Magazine:

Sign: MEGA NEWS

Cashier's newspaper: Cucumbers can kill: Study/ Study: 95% of Penne.../

Cash register sign: Plastic bags - $0.07

Magazine: This is nonsense!

Magazine: SHIT/ SHIT/ SHIT

Magazine: Modern Conformist/ How to lose those last few idiosyncrasies

Magazine: Self-parody aficionado/ Rich prick round-up + Golf quiz

Magazine:CK/ Tupid!

Magazine: The National Moron/ Moron spotted/ Exclusive! You are a fucking moron/ Yes, you/ Guess who's a moron

Newspaper: The Daily Tunic/ Study: Tunics reduce risk of cancer/ Large monster dominates shot put final.

Panel 3

Narrator: SOON...

Book Store Worker: Oh, you want a newsstand. Books are for -

Customer: Crazy people?

Book Store Worker: Right.

Clerk's name tag: Chaptrs/ Jim

Sign: Scented Candles <---

Poster: NEW Wallet Vacuum

Book set: Encyclopedia Pavarottica 1-10

Book: The Quickly-Forgotten Life Lesson/ A Dom's Book Club p

Book: This was a tree

Book: This was a tree

Book: Your money is his ->

Book: Your money is mine

Book: 10 Years of MANBOY/ A celebration

Book: internet THE BOOK/ tim75: Buy it its great/ DDAVEE: ya whatevar dood./ XM37: YOUR A FAG

Book: Fuckwit's Annual '08

Book: Rolling Stone/ 500 Greatest U2 Albums

Book: Shit Shit

Book: The Bourne Retread

Book: Chicken Soup for the Failure

Book: Tuesdays with Moron

Book: The 5 people you meet on best-seller lists

*

Page title: Everything is crazy people

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