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Transcript of: Hypothetical situation

Panel 1

Raoul: Hey, I got a hypothetical situation for you. Let's say you're marooned on a desert island with a beautiful woman. Just you and her stuck there long-term. You've got a bit of food and whatever, but you –

Panel 2

Shamus: Whoa, wait – who is she? Who's the woman?

Raoul: Who is she?? I don't know, what does it matter? A generic beautiful woman.

Shamus: Well that's just a full-on oxymoron. "A generic beautiful woman?!" Come ON.

Raoul: Oh, you can't be generically beautiful Nice hair, nice eyes – nice breasts, lips n' thighs?

Panel 3

Shamus: It's a contradiction! Beauty is be definition remarkable – it can't be generic! So give me a goddamn specific example of a beautiful woman if your hypothetical situation needs a beautiful woman! Paint me a picture, I ain't busy.

Panel 4

Raoul: Paint you a picture?! Jesus fucking Christ... Alright Picasso, you're stranded on a desert island with Salma Hayek! Do you-

Panel 5

Shamus: Why Salma Hayek?

Raoul: Why the fuck not?!

Shamus: Isn't she kind of old?

Raoul: No, she fucking isn't kind of old! She's kind of a beautiful fucking woman, is what she's kind of! Is that controversial??

Shamus: It's not controversial. She's just out of our age group, so it's at least mini-odd....

Raoul: FUCK!! Fine!

Panel 6

Raoul: YOU ARE FIFTEEN YEARS OLDER THAN YOU ARE NOW, AND YOU'RE TRAPPED ON A DESERT ISLAND WITH SALMA HAYEK, and –

Shamus: How come you aged me up instead of her down?

Raoul: ... AND THE TWO OF YOU are passionately attracted to each other. However, you don't have any contraceptives. Do you risk going at it, knowing that she could get pregnant and you'd have to deal with bringing up an unwanted kid on a fucking shithole island with limited means; or do you abstain from sex, even though it drives both of you insane and makes every waking moment an agonizing mind-fuck, because y'know, like life wasn't shitty enough to begin with? What wouldja do?

Panel 7

Raoul: Oh, and you can't have anal sex either. Pretend there's ... some arbitrary reason or other.

Shamus: Alright.

Panel 8

Shamus: Well, if you're saying what I THINK you're saying, then the choice should of course be hers. But her choices would be unfairly limited by the lack of contraceptives and certain medical facilities on the island, thus creating a lose-lose situation. And thus painting an unflattering picture of said island – and an equally unflattering picture of the anti-choice sons of bitches who created the island and who dogmatically advocate its perceived virtues and spend their time demanding that everyone go live on it or else.

Panel 9

Raoul: Actually I was just saying that I wish I was trapped on a desert island with Salma Hayek instead of you, but yeah – good point.

Filename: streamofconsciousnessmetaphorislandbuzzkillwithraoulandshamus.jpg

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