Transcript of: Down at the office supplies superstore

Panel 1

PHG: Hey, do you guys sell letter openers?

Clerk: Fax machines? We sure do! We have a wide selection of brand-name business machines, including faxes and combination fax/photocopiers. Let me tell you a bit about our warranty program, since you're going to want to ensure that your purchase brings you weeks of enjoyment! The standard 14-day warranty can be extended to 16 days by...

Panel 2

PHG: Oh, no, I just wanted, like, a letter opener...

Clerk: A letter opener? No, no, you can't send and receive documents with a letter opener. A fax machine is really the best choice for what you're looking to do. Some people will tell you they're outdated and stores are just trying to dump their excess inventory on gullible customers, but that's just an internet rumour that we don't put much stock in here at Office Bazaar. We're in the people business. We sell to people. It just makes sense, don't you think?

Panel 3

PHG: I...

Clerk: Now then, my brother in Pennnsylvania has this model here and he phones me at least twice a week to tell me how pleased he is with it! Sure, it costs a little more than your basic fax, but, as I like to say, it's not the features you pay for that you buy - it's the features you don't pay for that you're purchasing!

Panel 4

PHG: How come he doesn't just, like fax you?

Clerk: Pardon me?

PHG: How come your brother doesn't just fax you to say how great the fax machine is?

Clerk: My brother?? I'm sorry, but I don't have a brother... you must have misheard me or something.

Panel 5

PHG: Like ... Huh??

Clerk: But never mind that! Because you've decided to buy TWO of these quality fax machines, I'm going to throw in this excutive desk set for only 79.91- a savings of -40%! My brother in Pennsylvania has one of these, and he's absolutely thrilled with it! So- if you'll take your purchases over to Diane at the checkout there she'll be happy to accept the payment method of your choice. We're pleased to accept all major credit cards and vital organs.

Panel 6

PHG: No, I... what?? I, like, don't, um...

Clerk: Oh, I'm sorry, those are sale items and as such are not eligible for return or exchange. If you'd like to express an opinion about Office Bazaar and its employees and policies, you can write to our customer care department at 1823653412785328843426B Yakestaki Pterodactyl Crescent Road St., suite #714302983843, Thordinidwghichingtonvilleton, Vermont, 332231312321212321.

Panel 7

Clerk: And I would like to personally thank you for shopping with us today, and please know that we value your business tremendously. It's been a real PLEASURE having you as a customer!

PHG: Really?? Aw, Thanks!

Panel 8

Sign: Office Bazaar

Mouseover text: Panasoanic is like the best brand of fax machine