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Inside the mind of a backup goaltender

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Backup Goaltender: Fuckin coah. Oh well -HIS LOSS!! Hell, I don't even need to play to prove myself. Like, look at me! look how cool I look! All this fuckin' awesome equipment... How am I not, like totally impressive?! I'm like fuckin' Batman, but with skates and a huge stick! I'm BETTER than fuckin' Batman!! If the Joker put on skates and fuckin' took off across a frozen lake, what's fuckin Batman gonna do?! He'd fall on his fuckin' ass, that's what he'd do! Or he'd get in his stupid bat-car and be sliding all over the fuckin' place. And then he'd be FUCKED. He'd be fuckin' freezing to death, using Robin as a life raft, and wishing he was me. Meanhwile I'd just skate off and catch the Joker and beat the shit outta him with my goalie stick. He could try to punch me, but what could he do to me with all this padding?! Like, seriously- what could he do?! Nothing! I would fucking DESTROY the fucking Joker. The Penguin too! I'm practically invincible! I should totally be out on the streets fighting crime! I could be like "Goalie Man" or something. Yeah, totally!! I could make up some flyers and stuff, and I could use my apartment as a secret hideout and <cut off>

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