MuZeum is the 223rd Subnormality comic.
Plot Summary Edit
Zoe Muggs visits the Museum of the Theoretical and encounters an alternate version of herself who isn't homeless. The alternate Zoe is initially hostile, and says she doesn't want to imagine Zoe's reality, but after some prompting she asks why Zoe is homeless. She explains that she was unable to find a job after she left school and was evicted from her apartment - the same thing happened to alt!Zoe, but she called her parents for help, while Zoe wasn't able to. Zoe mentions how Anneliese, who she went to school with, came by recently and offered to help, but she refused because she didn't want to change into someone else.
Alt!Zoe loses her temper, and yells that Zoe is a coward because she doesn't struggle to fit into society in the way alt!Zoe forces herself to. Zoe curls up in a ball and apologises, saying that it is better that she is homeless because she is not normal and her brain is full of bad thoughts, and if she was a part of society she would only cause problems. Alt!Zoe explains that the ideas in her head are called intrusive thoughts and that Zoe is not evil for having them.
Alt!Zoe apologises for shouting, and explains that she has had to work hard to fit into society. She offers Zoe her hoodie, and the two begin to bond over the strange ideas they have that no-one else understands. Zoe notices alt!Zoe's Orphan Black shit and they discuss TV shows, revealing that Zoe's favourite show Star Trek: The Next Generation was cancelled after one season in alt!Zoe's world.
After an offhand comment, Zoe explains that she realises that, unlike alt!Zoe, she is likely to die young. She explains that she made a lot of mistakes that alt!Zoe has not, but she was glad to meet her counterpart and discover that she did have potential to succeed. Alt!Zoe says that she has always been terrified that one day she would end up homeless, and meeting Zoe scared her at first, but she is now sorry she was scared, and is glad that Zoe exists and wants her to be okay. Zoe replies that she too has thought about living her alternate life.
Zoe Muggs: Yesterday/ upon the stair...
Zoe Muggs: I met a girl/ who wasn't there
Sign: No loitering!
Zoe Muggs: She wasn't there again today...
Sign: <--- Parking
Zoe Muggs: I wish I wish she'd go away
Zoe Muggs: "Awkward silence, eh..."
Store sign: Shop store Bottie
Store sign: Heliot
Awning: Cafe and/ (461) 5/
Alley fence: Post no bills
Ad: Reg Hrorth/ Movie+Crazy Speech/ -gibberish-
Ad: YES Youth -gibberish-/ ages 18-24
Ad: Eye-rolling service/ -gibberish- (404) 590-xxxx/ Affordable Rates
Zoe's sign: not really doing all that well to be honest
Zoe Muggs: "I dunno, I could..."
Panel 6 <no text>
Telephone pole ad 1: Time Wasting Service/ We really waste your time, day or night/ -gibberish-
Telephone pole ad 2: Pole News/ -gibberish-
Telephone pole ad 3: Huge Text
Telephone pole ad 4: Museum of the Theoretical/ Free Admission!! (and A/C)
Telephone pole ad 5: Please read my crazy manifesto/ -gibberish-
Panel 8 <no text>
Zoe Muggs: "I could talk about how I grew up or something, maybe?"
Zoe Muggs: Something like that maybe? Seems like a --
Alt Zoe: No...
Alt Zoe: You know, there are... people in my life who really matter to me and made me what I am and I don't really feel like picturing a world without that...
Alt Zoe: ... You know?
Zoe Muggs: Yeah. Naw, I get that.
Mus3um of The Theoretical
^The clock's numbers at the 12, 3, 6, 9 positions read: 30, 7, 15, 23
Sign: Welcome/ NugneH?!
Sign: Suggested Donation: A gazillion pengoes
Sign: Gift shop is closed
Pamphlet: Museum Guide
Zoe Muggs: So How, um...
Alt Zoe: ...How'd I get here?
Panel 16 <no text>
Alt Zoe's friend: So this is liiike a joke...thing?
Alt Zoe: Yeah man, I dunno, it's like some roadside museum type thing. "Artifacts from an alternate universe." Prolly just stupid but I always wanted to check it out, I love this weird local shit.
Alt Zoe's friend: You DO love this weird local shit.
Alt Zoe: So I'll meet you after work?
Telephone pole ad: Like Poles? Why not try Pole Dancing!/ -gibberish / 26-4180
Telephone pole ad: Found/ If yours call now
Telephone pole ad: Guitar Lessons
Telephone pole ad: The Admirals/ June 23rd
Newspaper machine: Mon-Sun/ The Globe/ Women's world cup kicks off in Toronto
Newspaper machine: I-weekly/ I -gibberish- / Ethel Blackmore
Alt Zoe: I dunno, been seeing the flyers around for years, thought I'd finally check it out before it inevitably gets paved into a Wal-Mart. Free admission.
Sign: Museum of the Theoretical?
Sign: See what wasn't/ Abraham Lincoln - Age 81
Alt Zoe: Whoah.
Zoe Muggs: I know, eh
Alt Zoe: Didn't realize it was some kind of magic realism thing that literally involved meeting your, uh...
Zoe Muggs: Meeting a theoretical you from another reality -- I know, sorry... Attention to detail, eh? I for sure assumed it was a joke too and then walking in the door the the the building is like 20 times bigger than on the outside somehow! This is kind of a weird city...
Alt Zoe: You... probably wanted to see another you though, I guess?
Zoe Muggs: Aw, yeah, I guess maybe. Kind of neat actually, Lookin' pretty decent, uh, other me! D'you D'you just wear contacts?
Alt Zoe: Yup. You don't?
Zoe Muggs: Nah, you lose one and it's just, ah, fuck, man... Pain in the ass, eh. So so so what d'you get up to..? Naw, wait, don't tell me - wouldn't want to feel pressure to do the same career..!
Alt Zoe: Right. Yes. No. I don't know.
Sign: The Hydra
Sign: Please do not cut off heads
Zoe Muggs: Fuck, you're mad eh? Sorry...
Alt Zoe: ...I dunno, it's just...
Zoe Muggs: Yeah, I can tell if you're mad though obviously. It's cool, like I get it. Probly I didn't think a whole bunch about how this would play out. We don't have to hang out at all, like it's fine. For sure check out the exhibits though! M-monsters and different flags and other neat shit, it's not bad actually.
Zoe Muggs: The the Magazines are all crazy, even...
Magazine: National Geographic/ Oak Island's gold - Found!
*flip flip flip*
Panel 30 <no new text>
Zoe Muggs: Fuuuck, just ask..! "How come you're a fuckin' crazy homeless failure, other me??"
Panel 32 <No text>
Zoe Muggs: Sorry... I know you probly wouldn't ask it like that. I hate that question.
Zoe Muggs: No-one ever asks anyone, Like how come you have a house?? "What... what factors led to this outcome??" And it's totally cool if we fuckin' like see you as the spokesman of everyone who also has a job and a house 'cause you're just all the same, right??
Alt Zoe: How long have you... not had anywhere to live?
Zoe Muggs: Fuuuck... I don't even know - a whle?! Probly longer'n it feels, it's just every place I go I always feel like I --
Alt Zoe: ...Just got there. Yeah.
Zoe Muggs: Yeahman!
Zoe Muggs: But yeah, that's cool you asked! I dunno man, moved out here after school didn't work out, and we were living in this one place in the east end there -- super nice area now, like right after I left they gen-gentrified the entire place it felt like, like hey she's gone, turn everything into a cafe you guys -- and yeah it was just a sketchy as shit house and everything I guess! We we changed the lock but then this previous guy who lived there got back in with his old key 'cause I guess everyone was buying the same shitty locks. Every possible animal and insect getting in there too, that was good times..! Like where you where you get all used to noticing dots and specks out've the corner of your eye in daily li-life 'cause at home you're used to looking out for bugs the whole time. But I dunno, you like get used to whatever you're whatever's in front of you, for sure good times there for a little bit! Fuckin' just music loud as shit at 4am whenever we wanted. Mid-midnight movies on thethethe free channels, man -- kind of it's more fun actually when you randomly just catch something you weren't expecting, I for sure miss that actually. And so yeah, I dunno. I had this I had like the the end part of a student loan or something? I forget what that was, but then after a year it's pretty well running out and you still obviously have to pay rent. And you just feel like... I dunno, something's gonna probly come along and happen and it'll be fine. 'cause it never hadn't I guess? But then it just didn't I guess, like the landlord comes by after a couple days and you you don't even know what to say, it just did not occur to you that you'd at all be in that situation, so you're just like yeahman, yeah I'm totally on it, don't worry, and he's super nice about it and everything. And literally I'm lying there on the like box spring not even knowing what to do. And then a couple weeks later he's back and the the smile is just gone, you know? And you gotta move out, and I didn't really have furn-furniture or whatever, so that all happened pretty fast. And then it's like noon and you're just walking around, and you head to the library and then up the street to shoppers, and then that one sketchy diner with the super nice chinese people, and and you're sitting there and then it's closing and it's dark out, and it's just like, it's like ... okay, I guess. I don't even know. Kind of a neat sense of freedom, actually. And luckily the weather's nice, but then you don't really know what to do about food, kind of. But it's like, something will probly come along and happen, and it'll be fine. You know? I dunno, that was the last house I lived at, any-way. Man, I walked past there the other day -- It looks wicked now, eight years later or whatever. Flowers out front and shit..!
Panel 39 <no text>
Panel 41 <no text>
Zoe Muggs: Sorry..!! Thanks for listening, eh.
Alt Zoe: Yeah, but why were you... Like, I've been there, eh, I've run out of money between jobs. It sucked, but I had to borrow from our...uh, from my parents.
Sign: Warlac st
Newpaper machine: Eye
Zoe Muggs: Nah, I totally would have done that, you know?
Sign: Carlaw st
Newspaper machine: Eye
Sign: If you can read this, you're too high
Panel 49 <no new text>
Panel 50 <no new text>
Zoe Muggs: Man, d'you think, is everything here theoretical to both of us? Maybe you guys actually have horses with wings and it's just normal to you, or like maybe t/
Alt Zoe: Where do you stay usually? Shelters?
Zoe Muggs: What? Ha, No-one who's stayed at a shelter would ask that...
Alt Zoe: No?
Zoe Muggs: Nah, I dunno, wherever, outside a lot, but other places too. If you're actually smart it's not bad. It's just hard to find privacy, like you'd think it wouldn't be but it for sure is. Ironically. Ironically?
Alt Zoe: Yeah.
Zoe Muggs: Right on, man! So yeah, I dunno, hang out at places a lot. There there's this one guy who invites me to his shows all the time, like stealth trying to keep me indoors I guess - "Oh, you should come by early!" Super nice about it. I dunno, tried some dating back in the day... It's tough meeting people, you know? Or it's the wrong people and then it's embarrassing and whatever. Just...ashamed. But you can't... naw, I dunno, it's all good, don't worry about it.
Alt Zoe: Okay?
Zoe Muggs: That's so cool you have your shit together, eh? I wonder how different we are, like what else's normal to you? Did you f-finish up school and everything??
Alt Zoe: Yeah, but I hated it and it was pretty much just pointless with the attitude I had back then. Bad at school, good at life hopefully.
Zoe Muggs: I know, hopefully, eh! Did we did we know the same people? Oh, was there ever this one german chick you went to university with?
Alt Zoe: !..Yeah. I was just up at their cottage actually, you?
Zoe Muggs: See each other around, kind of? Didn't really recognize me one time -- you always drift away from your school friends, you know? Nah, I just ask 'cause she came by a while back, she was like --
German chick: Can I tell you something?
Zoe Muggs: Oh this is where you reveal to me the the the personal secret you never tell anyone or whatever?
German Chick: Oh no, this is a thing isn't it..?
Zoe Muggs: Yeah, pretty much, no-one's afraid of being judged when they're not afraid of you. Don't get me wrong, I love this shit, man. Wish I'd been writing all of it down.
Paper sack: Often's bar and grill
German Chick: Well, I'm not afraid of anyone, if that helps, but what I was going to say was I have problems of my own you know. That's probably no real secret, I mean I don't dress worse than you do because I'm not nuts...
Zoe Muggs: Yeah? I always wondered about that kinda. Super... super confident and pretty but then with the psycho wardrobe. Pretty awesome actually, don't get me wrong- you for sure like who you are.
German Chick: Oh I love who I am, believe me. I think I'm rather fucking fantastic to be perfectly honest. And crazy, albeit Good Crazy. But I'm surrounded by people too Zoe.
German Chick: When you always have a safety net and high expectations, I think you're upgraded to "Eccentric." I'll never believe that I'm different from you -- I just had help. Because literally everyone needs that. That's what society is, It's the people who had help. Even the assholes, especially the assholes!
Zoe Muggs: I guess?
German Chick: But I can be of help too, you know..?
Zoe Muggs: Whatever you call it. People wanting to to to step in or whatever. I dunno, It's weird though, like obviously it's it's not... an... advantage to not be part of society really, that whole thing, but wanting someone to change is is is wanting someone to change, right.
Zoe Muggs: On some level you're...you're asking someone to stop being themself and and start being someone else, good or bad. I dunno if people get that, really? s'like... imagine if I came to your job and was like yeah, you're not this anymore, you're this other person now. Embarrassing kind of. Maybe you get it, I dunno
Alt Zoe: Yeah, I probably know what you're like. You probably don't raise your voice in a loud room because it's the room that should lower its volume.
Zoe Muggs: I just... I try but I just can't judge myself over it, like it's not actually wrong to be --
Alt Zoe: Yeah, but I'm mad because you fuckin' take it too far!
Zoe Muggs: Cool, man...
Alt Zoe: You're doing it right now! Doing that fuckin'... that fuckin' crazy middle aged bag lady thing where you live in your own little world there and and you talk to animals "cause they don't judge" and you fuckin' talk to people just fine at first until they say anything incompatible with your fuckin' little universe there and then you just stop responding and go muttering off somewhere..!
Alt Zoe: Fuckin' Don't you?! 'Cause you you just caaan't deal with re-reality so you just create your own rules, like I'm constantly in danger of doing! But you just go ahead and do it, you and everyone else who don't wanna deal, 'cause it takes courage, it fuckin' takes courage to put up with all the bullshit involved in getting through life and you fuckin' don't have it!!
Alt Zoe: I've fucking worked REALLY hard to not just give up, do you know that??!
Zoe Muggs: I'm sorry!!
Alt Zoe: To not to not sit there ignoring everyone and and calling everyone a fucking conformist
Zoe Muggs: I'm sorry!!
Alt Zoe: And resenting being expected to behave properly and disappearing into my own head and saying everything's fine while your fucking teeth are falling out!!
Zoe Muggs: I'm sorry!
Alt Zoe: DO YOU FUCKING KNOW HOW HARD I'VE HAD TO WORK TO NOT BE YOU??!!!
Zoe Muggs: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Panel 70 <no text>
Panel 71 <no text>
Zoe Muggs: it's okay!... It's okay!... It's okay!...
Zoe Muggs: It's okay! I'm sorry I'm sorry it's just hard It's hard to deal with shit when you don't don't even feel like you're su-supposed to to be here when when y-you s-say shit and everyone just stares and you're bad at school a-and having friends and there's there's no job that fits you, you can't fi-find it and you're just sick of bothering everyone and being ashamed and and and just sick of dealing with the the the the horrible ideas in your head and they won't go away they won't, and and there's no-one a-around so it's all you can hear it's like solitary confinement and and and and I just... ... I just I just wanna be n-normal but I'm not and I try and I just get so sad so sad all the time 'cause 'cause 'cause I'm not, a-and it's hard but it's okay it's okay! It's better for everyone if I'm not around m-making them all uncomfortable and a-angry and disappointed and... I don't hurt anyone, I swear! I'm sorry I'm sorry I couldn't make it but it's okay It's better this way It's better It's okay! Please don't be mad it's okay!
Alt Zoe: Horrible ideas?
Alt Zoe: So you get the... the bad thoughts too, eh?
Zoe Muggs: Uh... I dunno. Do you..?
Alt Zoe: "Hi, It's your brain speaking! Look, there's your best friend -- for no earthly reason let's out of the blue imagine in graphic detail what would happen if you just suddenly pushed her down the stairs over there!! What's the problem, stop crying! Or what would happen if you just stripped off while you're in line at the grocery store -- Let's go ahead and imagine that, the specific visualization of people staring and shouting in confused disgust!! Don't tell me you don't want to! If you're thinking it you must want to! Or hey, here's a person of another race -- Let's just instantly think of racial slurs again and again and again and fucking again until y-you literally wish you were dead!! Let's do that, because I'm your brain and I fucking hate you!!!"
Zoe Muggs: ... Fuck, you too, eh? Shitty...
Alt Zoe: You know that's a thing though, right..??
Zoe Muggs: No... How D'you mean..?
Alt Zoe: How it's a common recognized condition? How recurring and unwanted disturbing thoughts that are completely out of character and make you think you're the worst person in the world are actually common and don't mean anything?
Alt Zoe: Shit, do you just think you're evil and insane??
Zoe Muggs: Uh... maybe..!
Alt Zoe: Well you're not. Jesus we gotta talk about this...
Alt Zoe: It's tied in with OCD, eh -- the actual kind, not, like, hollywood OCD. I forget the exact explanation, but that's why the unwanted thoughts are so recurring and similar or whatever. I'm serious, it's completely a universal experience to randomly think of awful things you'd never do, that's everyone to some degree, it's just that some people get it worse than others and it's obviously amazingly disturbing so they never talk about it. So they think it's just them. Because who the fuck's gonna admit to constantly having horrendous ideas come into your head that you can't seem to prevent? But it's not -- It's not just you, eh.
Alt Zoe: You know -- it's not actually Zoe Muggs Sydrome, as much as I know we like to feel special.
Zoe Muggs: Man, whaaat..? How d'you know then, if no-one talks about it?
Alt Zoe: 'Cause I have the internet, dumbass! I was literally about to go crazy when I was younger 'cause I had, you know, these horrifying unwanted thoughts all the time, when all I want to do is not ever hurt anyone. But then you actually look into it and holy shit, there're encyclopedia papers and there're other people describing your exact experience on message boards, and then later you find a few people actually are openly discussing it and you hear a podcast about it and you see a famous author mention it in an interview and you find a comedian who works it into her material and guess what -- it's just another stupid human imperfection you know? It's a thing, that people have. And you think it's just you and I've been there and it's fucking awful. You had no way of knowing and that's not fair AT all.
Sign: Suggested donation: fourteen keladas
Zoe Muggs: Naw... is it really a thing though? that'd be wild...
Alt Zoe: Yeah. It is. "Intrusive thoughts" They're called. Fuck I wish we were in front of a computer right now... but you know why you get it worse, it's cause you're the least likely person to do all that horrible shit, that's why it's so disturbing. It's the people who aren't horrified that are evil.
Alt Zoe: What helps me is, I think about it like this: You've got this inner voice reminding you of all the bad shit you should never do, and that's great, but it's just, like, a faulty, fucked-up kind of warning voice where it's so afraid of you hurting anyone, it's so hysterically paranoid that the message is garbled, you know? It's like, you can't hear the "don't" at the beginning 'cause the rest is so loud. Completely made more sense to me once I thought of it that way.
Zoe Muggs: don't THINK ABOUT KNIFING THE FAMILY DOG, MAN!! AAAHH!!
Alt Zoe: Right?!
Alt Zoe: That's why it's so constant too, but like, fuck, I get it, don't push anyone down the stairs! Fuckin' shut up!!
Zoe Muggs: Yeah, that's solid info man. It's tough, you know. No-one's around, so it's like...
Alt Zoe: ...An ambient noise that you only notice when nobody's talking, I know. The brain just sucks, man! Like intelligent design my fuckin' ass..! As soon as silence hits we're all dealing with some bullshit inner voice in one way or another. It's just the stupid way it stupid is.
Zoe Muggs: Fuckin'... gremlins, man...
Gremlin 1: YOU'RE WASTING YOUR LOVE
Gremlin 2: SOME PEOPLE ARE MEANT TO DIE ALONE!
Gremlin 3: THERE'S NO POINT IN CHANGING NOW!!
Gremlin 4: FAT FAT FAT F-FAAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT F-FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAAT
Gremlin 5: THE ONLY THING YOU'RE GOOD AT IS POINTLESS!!
Gremlin 6: don't JUMP IN FRONT OF THAT TRAIN!!
Alt Zoe: Oh, fuckin' trains are the worst, eh?!?
Zoe Muggs: I know, like whyy?? Trains, man...
Panel 89 <no text>
Gremlin: YOU'RE GOING TO END UP HOMELESS
Alt Zoe: Yeah. Fuck, that was such a shitty thing of me to say before, speaking of the fucking worst. I just...
Zoe Muggs: We're cool man.
Alt Zoe: No, we're not cool. Don't you ever say it's okay when someone yells at you, you hear me?? I pretty well went full gremlin there. I'm so meekly nice usually, and I just... I dunno...
Zoe Muggs: No worries, everyone's hard on themselves, you know? I'm not on the the street or whatever 'cause of crazy thoughts. Don't fuckin' feel sorry for me, if you are.
Alt Zoe: No, I know. I just get it, that's all. I just... have had to work at being part of society I guess, and I get resentful when I shouldn't and I get so mad when people seem like reality's not good enough when the rest of us have to work hard to stay here every day, even though I know that's not you. Not that it would be justified otherwise.
Zoe Muggs: You're like a...a sanity immigrant, eh!
Alt Zoe: Fuck..! Well don't feel sorry for me either, believe me -- everyone emigrated from somewhere. Everyone's rein-reining in some aspect of themselves so they can fit in better. I'm not some fuckin unicorn, I guess I've just had to kinda learn to actively not say the first thing that comes into my head 'cause half the time it literally makes no sense to anyone except me, and I can't help resenting that sometimes. 'cause like you said, maybe it's not actually wrong who you...we are. The real issue's probly me needing life to be fair and for everyone to have deserved what they've got so you're free to go ahead and yell at them. All that bullshit.
Zoe Muggs: Naw, you know, I could stand to self-edit more, probly. The blank stares, eh? I just I just can't bring myself to judge me either, and not judging me is kinda all I have lately.
Alt Zoe: You fuckin' shouldn't judge! I think we just have kind of a creative mindset..? I was reading one time, it's like... some people are able to be all different and creative or whatever 'cause they can make connections between things that other people don't see, but then the other part of that is sometimes making connections that, uh, aren't really there...
Zoe Muggs: Ha, for sure, eh??
Alt Zoe: I always kind of wished I didn't look so conventionally acceptable on the outside because I look so different on the inside and you hate that people assume you're not weird and a nerd and crazy, as crazy as that sounds. I always half-wished I looked unacceptable on the outside too, to cause fewer misunderstandings.
Imagination panel: ME
Zoe Muggs: But then that comes with its own drawbacks obviously...
cardboard sign: i'll pay YOU if you wave hello 25c!
Alt Zoe: ...Yeah.
Alt Zoe: Here, would you accept a minor upgrade at least?
Zoe Muggs: Naw, what... are you sure man?
Alt Zoe: Go for it. I guarantee it's your size..!
Zoe Muggs: Arright, thanks!
Alt Zoe: But seriously though, you know you're not evil right?? I really need you to know that.
Zoe Muggs: Yeah, you you know you seemed to be pretty fuckin' on it with some of your points there actually. Dain Bramage, eh? It's a fucked-up thing to hang out with someone who understands all this shit, you know? Pre-pretty fuckin' neat to be honest.
Alt Zoe: Tell me about it man!
Zoe Muggs: But yeah, if I was evil I guess I wouldn't be so horrified at evil ideas, I never thought of it like that. And and I always notice that, like, with the drinking, the more I drink it's the good thoughts that get louder. That's what gets uninhibited.
Zoe Muggs: ... Sorry, silencing the room there..! I don't drink that much or anything, barely wo-works anyway. I just heard it's good for you in in moderation as opposed to never drinking, right. Red red wine.
Alt Zoe: For fuck's sake, here... Oh, okay, yeah -- I completely read that article too actually. Wine and chocolate, the snack that gives back, good times. So do we agree on a bunch of stuff here?? Sh'we test it out?
Zoe Muggs: Sure man!
Zoe Muggs: Okay, like... finish the sentence: Uh... Like... I dunno... The the number of three is orange, 'cause of...
Alt Zoe: 'Cause of that one puzzle I had as a kid with horses and numbers and horse #3 was orange! Ha, wild!!
T-shirt: Clone Club
Alt Zoe: Okay, uh...oh, I know: Also when you were a kid, you swore up and down that black & white tv was...
Zoe Muggs: Oh! It wasn't just black & white 'cause I thought I could also see some orange in there for whatever reason..! Man, orange, eh??
Alt Zoe: I know, like what the fuck?
Zoe Muggs: My turn, uh... how about opinions, how about... I dunno... Fuckin'... people who make fun of overweight people fuckin' suck more than it even seems a-and are hypocrites 'cause...
Alt Zoe: 'cause we all have something we do a lot and if what you did stuck to the outside of your body you'd be big too, it just doesn't. Fuckin'... fifty course meals of hate with hate sauce every night and you're somehow better than anybody else? Everyone's fuckin' fat, motherfucker.
Zoe Muggs: Dude, I'm so fat...
Alt Zoe: I know, I'm not saying what I do a lot, but I'm like 280, easy...
Zoe Muggs: Word. Bypass surgery, man.
Alt Zoe: My turn, uh... how about: being an adult is like...
Zoe Muggs: ...Really good headphones, 'cause you start noticing a bunch of stuff you never did when you listened to the same shit as a kid. Man, I sho-shoplifted these just wicked headphones one time... seriously blew my mind, there's whole other instruments in there suddenly...
Alt Zoe: I know, I did that too. Fuckin--
Zoe Muggs: Radio Shack?!
Alt Zoe: Man, that place was like going to the bar- you just wanted to browse and spend 5 bucks but then a guy's demanding your phone number as you're about to leave and you're just soured on the whole thing...
Zoe Muggs: Looks like you're gonna be needing those batteries you just bought, eh.
Alt Zoe: Heh! Right? Anyway, I was too afraid to go back to the mall until the whole chain went out of business. High school, man...
Zoe Muggs: Still in business where I live man.
Alt Zoe: Shitty!
Blue Flower Label: Mors ontologica
Magazine: TIME/ Gore, RFK, Clay, Perot, We Rank the Presidents/
Zoe Muggs: Hey, uh, in high school did you ever bring a guitar to class and --
Alt Zoe: And sing a poem to everyone instead of the essay you were supposed to do because, like, in your mind, sort of the... the thoughts you spent coming up with the idea to do that somehow were equivalent to an essay..? Like, it all made perfect sense to you, and --
Zoe Muggs: And you ge-genuinely wondered why other people never did the same thing 'cause it was so much less stressful than sitting down and writing an essay.
Alt Zoe: And then, yeah, the blank stares. Word.
Zoe Muggs: And then you just fail the class. Still think that was uncalled for to be honest. Like, I get it obviously, but still.
Alt Zoe: Yeah, I know
Alt Zoe: My turn, eh? How about "The more resources you have..."
Zoe Muggs: Um... I don't actually know this one, I don't think?
Alt Zoe: "..The more freedom you have to make mistakes." Nah, it's... just something I was thinking just now actually.
T-shirt: Clone club
Zoe Muggs: Man, Holy appropriate shirt, eh?
Alt Zoe: Oh yeah, it's from a TV show. You'd completely dig it actually. If you guys have the same shows in your reality, anyway...
Zoe Muggs: Oh man, I never even thought about that! You guys got star trek I hope...?? Fuckin' Trek, man...
Alt Zoe: Star Trek? Yeah, for sure. Are you super into it? I thought it was decent.
Zoe Muggs: Aw yeah! III Just love the picard ones mostly. He's so nice but then he can't find a relationship, and then in that one episode he gets to li-live an entire life as a family man and he's SO happy and then he he returns to his o-own reality a-and it's like which... which one was he supposed to be, 'cause he's so good at both, right? Ha, I dunno, obsessed with that show man. I used to watch season five on repeat at the library before they noticed and got all bitter about it...
Alt Zoe: The next generation you mean..? Wait, are you saying you guys got more than one season of that?!
Zoe Muggs: Yeah man, did you not get all s-seven seasons??
Alt Zoe: No, it got cancelled after like a year 'cause of some big writer's strike and stuff, plus it wasn't that good anyway! You got seven seasons?!
Zoe Muggs: Aw man, yeah, and a-after season two it gets way better too, eh. That sucks for you guys! I heard once it did almost get cancelled but just luckily it didn't I guess...
Alt Zoe: Shit, man, that's nuts, eh?
Zoe Muggs: Yeahman. I love shows like that, you know?
Alt Zoe: Oh, I know, for sure. Positive visions of a future you won't get to see or whatever.
Zoe Muggs: Yeah...
Alt Zoe: Holy shit, no, I didn't mean you, I --
Zoe Muggs: Man, it's getting late, eh??
Alt Zoe: No, seriously, I...
Zoe Muggs: Naw, don't worry, I knew what you meant. But I'm under no illusions too, you know? I know I'm not well off here, and I know it's not getting any better, and I know I'm probly gonna be gone, you know, in not that many years. Might as well just say it, right? I'm still around cause I still hope for the best I guess. Like, I know that of all the good things I've gotten, none of them I ever would have seen coming so sometimes you have to kinda hold the fort for future you in case something cool's coming their way, but I can just as easily imagine that one morning I'm gonna be older and still the same and it's gonna be yet another day and It's gonna be obvious that yeah, probably not much is ever gonna change. I guess I can see that happening as much as anything.
Zoe Muggs: And I'm sorry, you know? Before we get back to our lives here, I'm sorry that I kinda let the team down 'cause clearly the potential was in there somewhere. 'Cause look at you man-- you obviously do work hard and you pretty much don't deserve to see some horrible example of how shitty you could have been. Hopefully I'm just like that inner voice freaking out like usual about something that won't ever happen, 'cause I'm sure it won't, you know? I think if you were ever gonna become me, you already would have. I mean, I got that shit done early, I've fucked up in ways you'll never think of. I'm sorry you have to worry about it, but don't worry, you know-- However much you think you don't fit in, believe me, you do.
Zoe Muggs: And I guess it was selfish but I at least enjoyed meeting you! That's pretty much why I came here, I guess I was hoping for the best, for whatever reason. It's fuckin 'cool knowing that some other me made it work, I know I didn't see that one coming. There's some inner light there I guess.
Zoe Muggs; Hey, no worries - I'm only sad when I'm not myself, and I'm always myself.
Alt Zoe: Yeah, you are! and I can't tell you how much time I've spent living in fear of becoming you, and much I've worried you were my future, how there's no place for me in the world and whatever I have was just a fluke and it's all gonna crumble overnight and I'm gonna be roaming the streets while society waits for me to just fuckin' die already because I make them uncomfortable. I've probably spent every day of my life worrying I'll end up like you.
Alt Zoe: And a lot of p-people and things have lined up to make sure I could never become you even if I tried, to make the idea just another stupid panicky voice I need to ignore, but it's such a loud voice and I walked in here a-and there you were and I've never been more horrified in my life. And I just I just wanted you to disappear - you were my worst nightmare and I've never felt such hate and I couldn't even look at you. And I know that when someone is so badly off it's because what would need to happen to you to make you that way is what happened to them, and I try and understand and be good to people but it's so hard. And I think it's hard because if I'm so disgusted with that version of myself then how could I care about a-anyone in that position, and you don't deserve any of this stupid selfish bullshit, and I'm sorry.
Alt Zoe: I'm sorry for b-being so afraid of you and I'm sorry that I thought I would hate you, and I'm sorry that if I knew you were gonna be here I w-would have walked right past. I'm sorry I wanted you to disappear, but I don't- I'm sorry it's so hard to show, but I don't ever want you to, you know??
Alt Zoe: I'm so sorry, I just want you to be okay.
Zoe Muggs: It's alright man, sometimes I think about being you too.
Mouseover text: techically all these Museum comics fail the Bechdel Test
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